context + memories

I remember in elementary school when we studied cowboys, and we were encouraged to dress up in their manner. Of course, the romantic ideal of the cowboy, arguably the most iconic cultural figure in America, was stressed as something to be looked at, but never really understood. In second grade, I was far from understanding.

The issue isn’t of the cowboy, but my interpretation at that young age, and the divide between the cultural history of America and of Pakistan. In America, we have our cowboy, a lone figure in an isolated country and history. In Pakistan, a young nation, where Partition protesters still purchase chat and chanay and samosa in the streets, the culture is not isolated. I dare not go into the Subcontinent’s rich history, but we have our figures. We have the romantic maharaja and the courageous sapai, the last of our kind, the products of our rich culture, before the arrival of the British. Suits will never compare to shalwar kameez.

I remember asking my mother, who, I didn’t realize at the time, was learning as much about America as I was, what the cowboys in Pakistan were like. Little did I know, we did not have herders like America. We did not have the same way to deal with cattle. We actually had byproducts of the previously dominant Hindu culture, as well as the Islamic perspective, as to what a cow was. A cow in America goes “moo.” A cow in Pakistan provides sustenance. These are the first things that come to mind to a child of each respective culture.

How can a person, who is so new to a place, regardless of her intelligence, explain that things aren’t the same everywhere? How can a person explain the difference of histories to a child, who expects so much, whose optimism is not corrupted with a realist’s view? I cannot explain with great detail or great analysis how two cultures have fused into one “me.” There are decisive moments where the divide was more obvious, but I did not realize, and by the the time I did, it was a form of racism.

9/11. Dhal chaval. Skin color. Somf. Skin color. Gora.

It hasn’t always been a defense of Pakistan against Americans. It’s worked both ways. Perhaps I’m tired of fighting, and even though I think cultural artifacts are important in identifying a location as well as responding to a locale’s needs, such as climate, resources, and religious context, but as far as the individual goes (the individual subject and variable being me), I don’t entail a culture. I might pursue a micro-culture, like following Arsenal or being an architect, but underneath is the experience that derives reasons for both and from both. It seems identity comes from experience as well as context. In essence, identity is the dialogue of experience and context.

fin.