anger. humor.

So my copy of CS4 won’t work. It’s a 400 dollar piece of software that fixes the pixels of my photos and draws abstract lines at a whim.

But of course, that’s way more useful than the professional animation and modeling software that Autodesk gives away to students. (I got the student discount on CS4 by the way.) I don’t give a damn about the great diagrams and layouts CS4 will help me with, I can do that stuff by hand. I can’t script a tessellating structure whose governing trigonometric functions I can manipulate by moving a slider. (Yes, yes, Grasshopper is cool.)

Here’s a picture of the help page.

And here is the text:

Problem 1

I would like to begin by stating that you have not reviewed the case I brought forth a month ago. Since then, I have been unable to use the very expensive software I ordered from you. I feel that I might have been better off pirating it as my friends told me I should do.

Problem 2

I downloaded a trial version of Adobe CS4 Design Premium last December. The trial ran out, and I decided I needed to own it, so I purchased it in late January. At this point, I had opened CS4, and it informed me that my trial had run out. Since I ordered a physical copy of CS4, I uninstalled CS4, and then I reinstalled it with the disc. I then realized I didn’t have a serial number since I had to prove my academic eligibility, so I started using the trial version from the physical CS4. Of course, it didn’t open, because my registry keys retained that information. So I got my serial number from Adobe, as you can see, and I could not find a way to enter it, so I uninstalled CS4 once again, and I reinstalled it, providing the serial number. Everything installed, but when I opened up programs like Photoshop and Illustrator, the program informed me that my license had expired. My license is not finite, as I paid a good 400 dollars for it, and provided my information to your corporation.

So, an issue that should have been addressed over 3 weeks ago (as you promised), now has left me stranded for the past month. I would really like to use this software, and if you don’t help me this time, I swear to you that I will help every student at my institution (all 18,000+ of them) get a bootlegged version of CS4, and I’ll even start selling copies of the hacked version. It’s ridiculous that I even have to pay for this nonsensical software (Autodesk gives most of its software away for free to students) that can’t even deal with registry keys correctly. Seriously, is it that hard to write an if statement to check the previous registries and override them? Or are you afraid that PirateBay is going to find a way to hack that? Seriously, get a real CS degree and figure it out. You can do LivePaint, I’m sure you can figure out elementary registry coding issues. But perhaps it’s harder than I expect.

Wait–I still paid 400 dollars for your shit. Figure it out, or I’m going to personally find a way to tank your stock.

Note: Do not take this personally whoever reads this. This is aimed at the programmers/managers who can’t figure out simpleton problems.